Breaking inside
by Heartring49
Summary: A series where Leo is depressed and think about how messed up he is. Its angsty VERY angsty. Warning some tears will be shed. !TRIGGER WARNING!
1. Chapter 1

_Italics: Lyrics_

 **Bold: Leo**

 _Here I lie forever_

 _sorrows still remain_

 **Leo sat in the bathroom of his new apartment. A razor blade pressed against his wrist. After the rejection of the 6 heroes of the Olympus. Leo had completely spiraled out of control. He had been suicidal for a while now. When he was on the run he always had a pocket knife on his body. In case he needed a release from the cruel world.**

 **But every time he was close to ending it, To get rid of all the pain and suffering. Someone was always there to stop him.**

 **The only one of the seven that had seen this side of him was Piper. For she had seen him about to poison himself with an overdose at Wilderness camp and stopped it. "But piper can't save you now" he thought.**

 _Will the water pull me down_

 _and wash it all away_

 _come and take me over_

 **The bathroom was simple enough. All that he needed now was a sink, to wash the blood off his arm. It stained the water and the pearl color of the sink to a deep red. The change fascinated Leo.**

 _Welcome to the game_

 **A game filled with pain and torture. Regret, pulling your happiness and love down the drain with the blood.**

 _Will the current drag me down_

 _and carry me away_

 **"No one can save me now."**

 _Suddenly the lights began to fade_

 **Leo fell unconscious**

 _HOPELESS_

 _I'm falling down_

 _FILTHY_

 _I can't wake up_

 _I can not hold on_

 _I will not let go_

 _WORTHLESS_

 _Is it over now_

 **"Will I die? Is it over? Am I finally FREE!?"**

 _GUILTY_

 _There's no way out_

 _I can not hold on_

 _I will not let go_

 **"Will they miss me?"**

 _Silent I go under_

 _I am not afraid_

 **"I hope I see mom. She must be in Elysium. She deserves it, I don't."**

 _I see the daylight shine_

 _And slowly drift away_

 **"Is this dying?"**

 _Safe to say it's over_

 _Sink into the grave_

 **Death was peaceful, calm. Bittersweet.**

 _There is nothing left inside_

 _But I am wide awake_

 **I am just a shell of what I use to be.**

 _I hear the devil call my name_

 **A sigh escapes my lips.**

 _HOPELESS_

 _I'm falling down_

 _FILTHY_

 _I can't wake up_

 _I can not hold on_

 _I will not let go_

 _WORTHLESS_

 _It's over now_

 _GUILTY_

 _There's no way out_

 _I can not hold on_

 _I will not let go_

 **Leo wakes up a scream on his lips, a dream.**

 **A/N Song Hopeless by Breaking Benjamin**

 **Also the cover images is for Breaking Benjamin. Apparently it's his thing. I just think the design is cool.**


	2. Playground

_Italics: song_

 **Bold: Leo**

 **I know that the beginning is at the end i put it there cause it makes sense with the story.**

 **Disclaimer: Don't be stupid! :D I don't own the song either :(**

* * *

 _I'm a soldier, 'til it's over_

 _You and I fighting for the art of war_

 _I'm a soldier, up against the wall yeah_

 **It was pouring and everyone was in side but one teen. Leo Valdez was leaning up against a humongous oak tree in the middle of fall so there were leaves littering the ground. The tree was in front of a small now abandoned playground.**

 **When ever he was down he would come here to watch the lively children play, dream, They had no worries in the magical worlds. They could just be happy. Yet when he was that age he was running from the foster homes and the abnormally nice people. Trying to survive another night. Fighting to survive. "I really am a solider"**

 _I'm a solider, 'til it's over_

 _Live and die fighting for the art of war_

 _I'm a solider, I will never fall_

 _I will never fall_

 _I will never fall_

 _I will never fall_

 _I will never fall_

 **I tear leaked out of his eye and slid down his face onto his chin. Which trembled slightly. "If I'm a solider why am a here crying?" The thunder seem to answer when it rumbled. Shaking the earth and the broken teen on it.**

 _But you know me_

 _I wanna go back but I can't back down and_

 _You know me too well_

 _'Cause_

 **I refuse to give up. This is not how mom would want it.**

 _I'm a solider, 'til it's over_

 _Live and die fighting for the art of war_

 _I'm a solider, I will never fall_

 _I will never fall_

 _I will never fall_

 _I will never fall_

 _I will never fall_

 **The rain can only do so much to mask the tears running down the young face. He may be young but he has faced so many hardships. That if you look closely you can see the pain always in his eyes. It's buried with jokes and acting but its still there.**

 _Follow me into the dark and I will lead you to the light_

 _Formless, soundless, fearless, hearts keep holding on all through the night_

 **I miss my childhood. When my only worries were, Did I color in the lines? Or did I set his on fire or was that the oven? I miss that. I miss mom.**

 _I was just a kid then skipping stones_

 _Innocent and so alone_

 _In a sense we were all alone_

 _You can take my heart you can take my home_

 _But you will never break my soul_

 _No you will never break my soul_

 **He said with such determination you could almost believe him. That's when he stopped felling the rain on his face. He looked up. A elderly dark woman with a kind face smiled down at him holding and umbrella. "You are very wet I can see, come to my house I get you cleaned up" she said with a crisp British accent. I could not help myself when I smiled back. "Sure" I replied. As I stood up. Following her. The playground and memories forgotten.**

* * *

 **A/N Song: Art of War by We The Kings **

**Hope you enjoyed chapter two!**

 **!Any recommended songs review and tell me. Needs to be a bit depressing!**

 **-Heartring123**


	3. If I could

_Italic: Song_

 **Bold: Esperanza Valdez**

 **Disclaimer: Don't be stupid! :D I don't own anything!**

 _If I could_

 _I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes_

 _Give you courage in a world of compromise_

 _Yes, I would_

 **Esperanza Valdez had just tucked her lively son into bed. It had been a long day. Well actually it was too short in the mind of the young woman. Her sweetheart had turned seven just a few weeks ago. She knew her time her on earth was ending quickly.**

 **"One year left" she continued to tell himself. She knew because a year after her dragon was born, Hephaestus came back. Tears in his eyes. He had come to show her her sons future. And her death. He told her to cherish every moment her Leo. It hurt her so much to know that her baby was going to suffer because of her death. But she could do nothing but continue to love him.**

 _If I could_

 _I would teach you all the thing I never learned_

 _And help you across the bridge I burned_

 _Yes, I would_

 **"The only thing I would change if I could, is our money situation" Esperanza thought. As she collapsed on the couch. Then when I die you could have a bit more money to spend on food or clothes when on the street.**

 **I feel dreadful that i have nothing to give you but love. Sometimes I feel bad that I did not give you up for adoption. Maybe with that family you would of had a bit more money. But I did not. It is extremely selfish of me. But I will continue hold you to my body and keep you there, till death.**

 _If I could_

 _I would try to shield your innocence from time_

 _But the part of life I gave you isn't mine_

 _I've watched you grow_

 _So I could let you go_

 **I will** **continue to watch my monkey even in death. Nothing will hold me back from him.**

 _If I could_

 _I would help you make it through the hungry years_

 _But I know that I can never cry your tears_

 _But I would_

 _If I could_

 **I wish I could be there to help you. Leo, but I'm not destined to. As much As I hate it.**

 _If I live_

 _In a time and place where you don't want to be_

 _You don't have to walk along this road with me_

 _My yesterday_

 _Won't have to be your way_

 **"I hope you won't miss me too much" Esperanza thought. She was sitting in Leo's room stroking his soft curls. Hoping for the future to be bright and filled with love. As he slept she whispered in his ear, "You will feel alone for a while monkey but friends will come and save you from yourself. But then they will make a big mistake but please take them back"**

 _If I knew_

 _I'd have tried to change the world I brought to you_

 _And there isn't very much I can do_

 _But I would_

If I could...

 **"The world is a harsh place. If it pushes you in the wrong direction punch and push till your facing the right direction." She reasoned with the dead to the world child.**

 _Oh baby... Mummy wants to protect you_

 _And help you though the hungry years_

 _It's part me_

 _And if you ever... ever need a_

 _Sad shoulder to cry on_

 _I'm just the someone to talk to_

 _I'll be there... I'll be there_

 _I didn't change your world_

 _But I would_

 _If I could_

* * *

 **If I Could by Celine Dion**

 **This is a little different then my other oneshots. In this Esperanza is contemplating her "monkeys" life and how she wishes she could make it better. I hope you liked it. Review and give me suggestions for songs.**


	4. Stupid moon

**I know this is really short but this song is a bunch of repeating, but it is one of my favs. 3**

 **SUGGESTIONS FOR CHAPTERS ARE WELCOME! THE LYRICS MUST SLIGHTLY DEPRESSING THOUGH!**

 _Italics: song_

 **Bold: Leo thoughts**

 _(2x)_

 _I'm a goner, somebody catch my breath_

 _I'm a goner, somebody catch my breath_

 _I want to be known by you_

 _I want to be known by you_

 **I am currently sitting at the top of and 15 story tower. My legs dangling over the edge. The stars glowing bright overhead over the depressed boy who was deciding wither to jump or to continue to live in this cruel, painful nightmare. The creamy-white, flawless, Moon's smiling face just made the boy more depressed.**

 _(2x)_

 _Though I am weak and beaten down_

 _I'll slip away_ _into this sound_

 _The ghost of you is close to me_

 _I'm inside out you're underneath_

(4x)

 _Don't let me be gone_

 _(2x)_

 _Don't let me be_

 **"I don't want to be this way." Leo sobbed quietly to himself and the moon. "I don't want to hate myself the way I do. I don't want to die, yet I do." He mumbled into his now wet hands. "I won't jump though, no matter how much I want to. I have to prove to them (aka the six) that I am strong, not weak and helpless. he said wiping his tear stained cheeks.**

 _I'm a goner, somebody catch my breath_

 _I'm a goner, somebody catch my breath_

 _I want to be known by you_

 _I want to be known by you_

 **I am strong!**


End file.
